Muslim men have been told to marry women born in Scotland rather than import wives from Pakistan and India.
Shaykh Amer Jamil, a Glasgow-born Islamic scholar, warned that Asian women who have grown up in Scotland are being left on the shelf in favour of wives from outside the country.
Parents often prefer their sons to have arranged marriages with women who grew up in the Indian sub-continent, as they are seen as better partners. But this means there are increasing numbers of British women unable to find a husband.
Islamic dating events have been set up to try and address the situation, but the balance is so heavily weighted towards women that few marriages result from these events.
Shaykh Jamil, an Islamic scholar who set up a family counselling service called Unity Family Services, said: “I would say the situation is at a critical level. There are many well-educated women up and down the country who want to get married but are not finding the right match. There is an acute shortage of suitable male options and the ones who are available are getting married from back home.
“Consequently, this leads to many women reluctantly having to bring someone over from south Asia and that can lead to problems. The men coming over have a different mentality and are not used to seeing a female working or having a life outside of the home. It makes sense to marry from within the UK as both partners will speak English and will be familiar with British culture. This will also make raising children much easier.”
There are also community cohesion implications to the trend, as women come over from Pakistan who cannot speak English and are unused to the culture.
Arranged marriages are often facilitated by an informal matchmaking network of women called Aunty Gees. Shaaista Yousaf is one of these women and she has been arranging marriages for more than a decade. Currently, she knows 30 eligible males and 80 females.
She explained: “There are mothers who insist their daughters only marry within a specific caste. They don’t like them getting married outside of the biraderi [extended clan affiliation]. Such an issue automatically narrows their choice.
“There are also girls who are not prepared to stay with the in-laws. They want their own home, their own privacy. Girls brought over from Pakistan know how to live with the extended families and the family politics that come as a result of that. Girls from here are not used to that.”
Naseem Khan ran Muslim marriage events in Glasgow for five years. She said that attitudes are changing amongst the younger generation, who want different things from a relationship.
She said: “Our mothers came here and brought with them some cultural baggage that led them to get their daughters married within the family, within the same caste or someone who they had given their word to back in Pakistan. Such attitudes are not prevalent amongst me or my friends. We are more flexible.”
Figures from the Home Office show that 12,700 husbands or fiances were admitted in 2008, a 16% reduction from 2007. Almost twice the number of wives or fiancees were admitted, with 24,100 in 2008, although this still represents a 14% decrease from 2007. A high proportion of these partners were from Asia.
CASE STUDY
Amina is a 38-year-old single woman from Glasgow. She is currently unemployed, but worked in accounts before retraining with a degree in music. Amina (not her real name) then worked in London’s music industry for five years before returning to Glasgow.
“People ask questions if you don’t have a partner by my age,” she says. “They realise I’ve had a career and done other things, rather than brought up children.
“Parents want men to marry from back home – it is one of the biggest problems in the Asian community. Mothers think the girls [here] are not good enough; they don’t have the attributes of girls back home, who will be better wives. They think girls here are too independent.”
Hmm. Okay what if you're Mum
Hmm. Okay what if you're Mum is ill and bossy and wants someone to look after her as she gets older.
Are women up for that?
There must be some women born
There must be some women born here who are the caring sort?
why doesn't the son look
why doesn't the son look after his mother? Surely he has a bigger responsibility to his mother than his wife does?
True, he does - but the
True, he does - but the Pakistani dramas his mum will be watching on the TV all day long will soon tip him over the edge.
so what does amer jamil
so what does amer jamil say, should be done to elevate this problem? can a plan be devised were society can find a platform to address these issues for the aim for beginning a kind of solution.
FACT! However, I'd be happy
FACT!
However, I'd be happy to look after ma if the wife was willing to work with my da.
Maybe the Glasgow Imams can
Maybe the Glasgow Imams can discuss it at their monthly meeting.
The problem lies with the
The problem lies with the fact that men and women from here have boyfriends and girlfriends and the parents do not accept the childerens choice. Subsequently these parents are waisting the childerens life as they insist they leave the partner and when they dont force them to go to Pak. Other issues are that people find the partners from work and uni however some people who actually practise Islam dont do this and its these good people that remain single. The article is bias and doesnt hilight the broader picture.
Talk about generalisations-
Talk about generalisations- 'The problem lies with the fact that men and women from here have boyfriends and girlfriends and the parents do not accept the childerens choice' Eh I don't think everyone falls into that category.
There is nothing wrong with Muslims finding partners from work, uni etc as long as it is done in the halal manner.
Maybe I'm not reading the same article here but to me it is fairly obvious how the Shaykh suggests to alleviate (as oppose to elevate) this problem... Muslim men should search for spouses in the country they reside in.
Any offers? Bloke willing to
Any offers? Bloke willing to look after ma if wummin willing to work with da.
I agree with what the sheikh
I agree with what the sheikh is saying. This problem has been noted a long time now for me and I'm surprised it's now come up as long overdue. The community do not want to admit to problems like this. I am 35 and never married. I do not live in a community nor have extended family here, just my parents and siblings.
If the men are marrying women from abroad and bring their wife to the UK, one day they will have daughters. Who do they think their daughters will marry?
I approached Masjid Al Furqan and had them come to see my parents. Their solution was to focus on the rest of life and Allah will reward you in the here after.
To me this is not what I was expecting to hear to be honest. I have been to the events organised in Glasgow and Edinburgh and have even attented Manchester Kamran Baig events.
There are far many female to male ratios and the men who attend the events in Scotland are mostly guys who are students from abroad, guys of the wrong age category and the rest are not compatible. This being due to personality/religious differences, wrong caste!!!!!!!!!!!! wrong height, skin colour and not looking anything like an actress from Bollywood to name a few.
The community has a solution through the masjid suggesting to my father when he approaches them during Juma, is to get the daughters married abroad. They think this is a solution. I do not own my property nor am I fluent in any other language.I will not be marrying any man from abroad as I don't visit the parental land as I don't relate to it.
The issue is not only about men marrying from abroad but also men who are marrying non muslims and favouring reverts over "their own women"
For me, I find the people are reserved, closed minded and always care what the community think especially when it comes to females.
It is still an issue for a Muslim women to marry a revert and a Muslim outwith her community, however not as much for a man.
For me one solution is to educate and to move forward is to change the minds not just the younger generation but of the older generation who have all these unmarried daughters into accepting that it is islamically allowed to marry cross cultures. What else are we to do. There are muslims of other ethinic backgrounds here in the UK who are British looking to marry.
Surley this is one way to overcome the problem, however I know it is not something most parents will accept for their daughter mines included.
Only if you willing to look
Only if you willing to look after my parents too!
An interview aired on BBC
An interview aired on BBC Radio Scotland discussing Muslims marrying abroad and the implications for our community. It's 8-9 mins long. Listen from 17:20 onwards:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0079g7r
This is happening now in the
This is happening now in the UK adding to the problem Muslim women are left unable to marry.
http://www.islamfortoday.com/interfaithmarriage.htm
I agree with sheikh amir.
I agree with sheikh amir. Girls have a rougher deal here. Some say there are more girls than boys out there looking to get married. I happen to know equal numbers of girls and boys wanting to get married but parents on both sides are not keeping open mind and view every prospective partner for thier child with a negative attitude.
Something needs to be done
Im a British born Pakistani
Im a British born Pakistani female. I married of my own choice when I was 38years old. I chose to marry a man from Pakistan. When I was younger, I looked at the prospect of marrying a British Pakistani Male and had plenty of chances to do so. but in the end , I chose not to. Although British guys seem very liberal and open-minded, etc, I found the majority of them to be very closeminded and totally controlled by their mummys! They want someone who is eye-candy to be displayed on their arms aswell as a "slave" for their mums. It seems that the most important aspects in choosing a marriage partner is all about whether she will live with his family and obey his mum and dad, etc.
Islam says that when a Muslim man marries, he should provide a safe, comfortable and private home for his wife where she can live freely without having to do purdah and hide from other gair-mahram men. Basically a Muslim man should be able to provide a home for his wife where they both can live as husband as wife, aswell as provide financially. Islam does not say that a man should live in his parents house with his parents providing financially and having financial control when he gets married!! Its not his parents job to provide a home and financially for him and his wife. So all you Muslim men out there who think this is the case should Stand up and behave like a proper Muslim male, and, ensure that you can provide a home and financially for your wife before you decide to marry. This way, newly married couples can have a chance of having their own private life and home together without other people poking their oses in! This is the way it is meant to be in Islam. Check it out for yourselves!
At the same time, we all have a duty to care for and look after our parents and our husbands parents too. what kind of Muslims would we be if we didn't?? also a man should first and foremost provide financially for his wife and children...and then also help his mum and dad if they need help.
My husband is from Pakistan and way more of a man than most British guys I have seen. He married me out of love maashaAllah and took a stance against his family. He knew that he was doing no wrong in marrying a Muslim woman of his own choice, and did so. I havent heard of many British guys having so much guts as to do something right by Islam even if it means that ur parents are not happy with it. At the end of the day, we should always do right by Allah first and foremost.
So girls, I guess the moral of the story is that don't restrict yourselves to British Asian guys. Think about Pakistani guys too...many are way more advanced, liberal and open-minded than a lot of British Asians. Also you don't have their parents and extended family poking their nose in at every turn! also there are other Muslim men out there from other countries. Why restrict yourself to just pakistanis when making your choice when Allah SWT allows us to marry anyone as long as he is Muslim.
Yes, I agree with women
Yes, I agree with women should marry other muslim men from other backgrounds as lack of our own men coming forward to marry. However, I was informed by a Glasgow imam that this should not really be a good choice as I was wanting to marry a Middle Eastern muslim man living in the UK.
He told me that there are cultural differences etc and should really marry from my own background. Now, if this is a man who I feel is right for me I think I should be encouraged to marry in order to live a halal lifestyle. I am in my mid 30's and I was wondering how many of these imams tell the men not to marry women who are of other backgrounds such like reverts etc.
The answer is not at all. This is due to men mostly allowed to marry other Musilms without hassels and arguments where as women have to fight their corner.
Those girls who marry other muslim men have had a tough ride from families and the community. Some cut them off altogether. This is unheard of as much if a man does this.
It shouldn't be the case but it is. I am still unmarried as my parents were so against me marrying the man I wanted purely because he was not of the same background. This was a few years ago and still no progress on marriage. You will find girls who are younger are the ones who are getting married. There are more guys of their age groups as the community has expanded. Also their parents see other girls much older than their own daughters unmarried and don't want the same for their own daughter to be left on the shelf.
If imams and the community know there are problems with lack of men for marriage, they should be encouraging women to marry other backgrounds instead of telling them not to as in my case. If I meet a man who is of another background in future, I will not make the same mistake and will go against their advice as I am a grown women heading towards 40 and deserve to marry if Allah allows it.
The double standards which has been allowed to go on in the community is shocking. People are living by cultural values more over than Islam and this is even seeped into the masjids through this thinking. The ones who always suffer as usual are the women!
revert. Asalamalaikum. food
revert.
Asalamalaikum.
food for thought.
discriminate at your peril.
dont just recite the quran in a language you dont understand but also learn the meaning.
will you then still carry on with your cultural practices ?
will you marry and want to be independant from your parents and have the heavy, heavy burden of Riba
against you when you get that mortgage for your new house?
Riba is worse than haram.
people dont revert because they have no knowledge of Allah.
but people who follow the religion of their fathers may know almost nothing about Islam ,just cultural
stuff.
will that get them to paradise?
Marry a muslim. a true one , whatever colour or ethnic origin (so to speak)
your cultures will not determine wether or not it will be succesful, but the knowledge of Allah and his revalation.
when falsehood is hurled against truth it can only perish.
Anyone who can help this muslim revert brother find a wife, please get in touch.
ufhfixed at mail dot com.
Walaikumasallam.
Above comment. What is the
Above comment. What is the age of the revert brother and his requirements?
came across this
came across this progamme
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/revelations/4od#2934376
Yes i agree with you sister,
Yes i agree with you sister, im married from back home i didn't want to at first but allhumdullilah its the best decision i made my husband is very hardworking and caring, i dont have to put up with in laws and we have our own independance, i have my parents close by and i can visit them freely without in laws saying they have more of a right.
I am an ESOL teacher in
I am an ESOL teacher in London and a 68 year old student whose wife died eight years ago and who is almost completely deaf is flying to Bangladesh to marry a girl of 27, becuase 'she is poor and she will have to have me'. He intends to have a couple of kids and she can work at home and look after the kids as well. He says he will be fine till he is 85. He has not money and presumably the tax payer will pay for the kids. He says it is acceptable and his Muslim family agree with this. I think this story is awful and believe he should be refused permission to marry her what does anyone else think?
If he has no money and wants
If he has no money and wants to marry abroad he has to prove he can support her. How can he do this with no job? He has to show his bank statements, proof of income, pension certificate etc.
If he intends to bring her over to UK she has to pass the English test. To marry is for life not until he is 85...he may die tomorrow or live when Allah wills so you cant put an age and say by this time etc I will be ......and it is the husbands duty in Islam to provide for the wife and family.
Something does not add up from what you wrote. Surley if he is going to marry either he has not looked into it properly or the story does not ring true or he is winding you up.
If she is 27 and marrying him, you have to look what she gains from this herself....passport? The 68 year old man....a nurse? Does he have no children from his previous wife? How can he look after kids at 68. Most men do not want to be fathers at this age especially when they have no money!
If they marry thats their business but I don't think she will gain entry in the UK to be honest. Once she does get here if she gets in, she will not stay with him for long and use him for his house, what money he has or try bring her family over. Just my opinion.
I have a problem with older
I have a problem with older men trying to marry younger women. I keep getting calls from so called mothers who are trying to arrange their 45-50 year old sons with myself. Alot older than me. They don't care as they feel there are plenty of females they can take their pick of the bunch. What gets me is some of these men have been married before with kids and to non Muslims and think ok I will now have an arranged marriage who has never been married or have kids and someone who is younger than me in age. Guess what girls in UK are not interested in this so maybe that's why they go off abroad as those girls from abroad have no standards and want a ticket in.
Will these mothers want a son in law the age her herself marrying her daughter........I think not!
I feel like there is a
I feel like there is a marriage endemic within the muslim society and it appears to be getting worse and worse. I'm quite young and have been looking to get married for the last 3 years. The glib response has usually been along the lines of 'wait until you've done this', 'wait until you've done that'. Such responses can actually encourage weak-minded individuals to acquire girlfriends in order to satisfy their need of companionship and/or whatever else. Also, why should one have to wait if they have the maturity and are able to support oneself and a potential partner and, importantly, they harbour the long-term desire of doing so?
Having completed my education and secured an excellent job, it is still incredibly difficult to find a suitable partner. The the extended family route has been tried and so has the online marriage websites. Nothing. It's very frustrating. In some instances, parents want their daughters to have completed their education before considering anyone or other times, it's a simple case of having far too many boxes to tick on the 'shopping list'.
It's a dire situation.
My recommendation would be to
My recommendation would be to write a letter to Glasgow Central Mosque and ask what they are able to do to help.
Also, have you registered on the "Glasgow Marriage" website? (www.madrasa.co.uk/marriage)
Salaam I am a Pakistani girl
Salaam
I am a Pakistani girl in her early 30s in Glasgow and have come across the same problems., and at least half of my friends are in the same situation.
Guys from here vs Guys from Pak hmmm
Guys from here want to marry their parents choice cos most are incapable of making a big decision of who to marry without dating them for years.
Guys from pakistan want to marry here so they can cement their permanent stay on UK soil and build a better life for themselves than in Pakistan.
So out of them who do you think will be less picky and more able to make a decision on marriage quicker??! I wonder! But unfortunately alot of the time what you get is the culture clashes between upbringings..
They say look for someone with deen, but most are married already.. and the ones left are the ones who either
a) had fun and now decide its time to 'behave', and want for themselves a 'virgin' bride who will bless them with a good homelife and children, or
b) their parents have had someone in mind for them for years from their family and now are being dragged screaming and kicking to their son's partner choices.. having tried their best for the last 15 years to emotionally blackmail them. How can you get married if your parents arent wanting to help you? As we see from above marital websites and introductions don't really seem to be working either.
And you can't forget the other person has to be the right caste, family, colour, height, weight etc etc
Oh the funniest is when a seemingly mature and practicing 35 year old guy says oh im only considering girls under 30 cos there is a chance with older ladies to have kids with Downs Syndrome.. so guess there is no hope for us at all.. lol
OK moan over.. back to the point.. I agree, we all know problems exist, but the question is how do we overcome them? Education?
I do believe things are changing.. just slowly.
I don't know if I am alone on
I don't know if I am alone on this but we have these women who happen to know your phone number and call you and say we heard you are looking for your daughter to get married. The strange thing is when I was in my teens and 20's noone really entertained me as I have a divorced sister so people stopped coming to our house and didn't want to know about prospect marriage. My parents have stopped asking other people for some time now..so where are the numbers coming from.....previous hoarders? The few people we know passing it on to help their pals? Been in circulation for years and only now getting serious to ring as circumstances changed ?
Now I am in my 30's, I have had more calls now than before the older I get! So this is a good thing right? At least I am back on the consideration list again? Well I have been introduced to guys whose parents are wanting their 22 year old son to get married as he is on drugs and alcohol and a wife will mend his ways, (enquiring from other people tell you things the family forgot to mention) so bring bring goes the phone ...Salam I am Aunty so and so....NEXT!
OK, then ring ring," I am looking for my son, he is 52 years old and looking for .....NEXT!
There has also been the "My son is a very good boy so shy and proper you will never find anyone like him"...too shy his family expect you to come to their house...NEXT!
Also," I am looking for my brother in law to get married, he is well educated, good job etc". Sounds good, so get chatting ....."Yes he is living in Islamabad, he was studying here in the UK so knows the UK well and is modern, easy to adapt. If you like we can introduce you to him, he is such a lovely guy.* Maybe so, but I can easily if I wanted- look at my own relatives to marry back home if I wanted from there but I don't....NEXT!
Another thing about the overseas students living and settled in the UK, we have had most saying they have PHd's, phone via a relative living here like a married sister also settled here. I find this bizzare. Why?Why are they looking out of their immediate family, as you know most still hold strong views on this but not all, ok they are the ones who don't...fine. But all happen to have studied accounts, all earn same wages, all been in UK same amount of time, sounds very familiar experiences, all never married in their country of origin, but want to marry as soon as they are in the UK and all about the same age...coincidence....mmmmmmm, who checks their back ground to say if all rings true, how can all those PHD students have exactly the same life and background....mind boggles...don't want to go there...
One that does stick in my head was from London. 3 brothers all studying a PHd. Ages 29, 27 and 25.Mother was over from Pakistan, here on a 6 months visa over for her youngest son getting married. Now looking to marry the other 2 older sons. How she got our number, who knows! However, she was asking about caste as well and how it doesn't matter but open as well as the fact we were older than her sons too as she feared her sons would run off with white women so asked my mum that 2 of her sons were available. I always wonder if this criteria would be the same if the sons were looking back in Pakistan and had not lived in the UK. Anyway she said I could go to London and take my pick for myself and my younger sister which ever ones we liked. This was like 7 brides for 7 brothers!..........PASS
Furthermore, ah yes the classic, you see it doesn't matter if my son was married before and had kids to a non Muslim as he has mended his ways and now wants a Muslim wife to make a fresh start in life. They were of the kitab anyway. We heard you are looking for your daughter.....HOLD ON! HOLD ON......turn the tables around. If the daughter was married and had a non Muslim married life style with kids too and changed her life about...who marries her? Now it is the boy's family who are now looking for their son in his 30's and 40's,even 50's! to mend his previous life, now they are interested...why not before, had to try out the other life, did it, tried it..parents were right. OK Mummy do your best shot, but I want a tall, faired skin, educated girl and preferably no kids and someone who hasn't been married, Oh yes and must be beautiful......What can I say to this. I can accept a man who has been with a non Muslim, married to them or not, are divorced, have kids, yet the same community didn't want to know me as I have a divorced sister so now that THEY are in that situation I am suppose to accept it...I will accept this the day men accept this of women....that's tomororow then!
Years have gone by after my sister divorced yet you see when I was younger in my 20's who came for marriage to me then???? I wasn't good enough but suddenly I have blossomed to the types as mentioned above.
Are they matches for me...........NEVER!
If I wasn't good enough then, why should I be now as you see I am looking for an equal, someone patient and someone who doesn't want to marry any old person but someone who has the same outlook and quality in life with a similar understanding and share commonality. Is this being fussy, no it is what each and everyone deserves a SUITABLE match. None of this bang wollop single man single woman......match made in heaven.
These are the the types phoning my parents. But you see, I have passed the point in caring what people say in, "OH MY GOD HOW OLD ARE YOU AND NOT MARRIED?"
The problems will continue until there are eliminations of double standards, class and status mongers and culture over religion priority to move forward in society.
Huge Ameen to the
Huge Ameen to the above!!Double standards etc must be eliminated!
And yes you are not alone - myself and all my friends are in the exact same boat unfortunately.
I doubt society is going to change anytime soon.
I honestly believe that when the honest pious girls start marrying the british white men, that is when the people in our society will start thinking "hey wait a minute..."
I am a 28 year old observant sunni muslim,
British-born, Professional and wear the Hijjab.
My parents,family, friends have been looking for me, but no luck.
I have even signed onto the Madrassa marriage website - only a handful of people have joined it and Suprise Suprise! the males are all from Pakistan on work visa etc and willing to marry anyone!!!
Why are the muslim men from here not joining it?
Why is it that the girls from here are always the most proactive?
The men in the UK are
The men in the UK are marrying back home, girl friends in university/work, non Muslims or marrying "reverts"
This leaves you and I in high numbers unmarried as the numbers of the males are doing this compared of females doing this is very high.
The Masjid have abandoned their marriage database....wonder why! Like everything else in Glasgow ...doesn't take off and continue.............doomed as it were.
Al-Furqan has superseded its
Al-Furqan has superseded its paper-based system with the online version, so I wouldn't term it as "abandonment".
These services often don't take off because the same people who voice their concerns/complaints about not being able to find someone to marry are the same people who do not register with services when an institution does try to help. There isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. People will have to make do with what's available.
Everyone needs to let their friends/relatives know about these services. If you think you have already gathered enough reward to enter the jannah, then don't bother.
Can ALL Muslims of glasgow
Can ALL Muslims of glasgow please encourage all the single Muslims (brothers&sisters) that they know to sign onto the Glasgow Madrassa Marriage site!!
There is finally a solution of sorts to the marriage problem in Glasgow, but it will only work if everyone gets on board.
There is a definite lack of british-born Muslim brothers on the site so please encourage every single brother that you know of to join this site!
I wish it can be as easy as
I wish it can be as easy as that. It is always single females registered and overseas male on websites, events etc. Why this is so I do not know. You look at who is registered on the databases and you can see for yourself.That's why things don't move forward. Certain masjids are doing a good job, however all I can say is to target the community stress this at Juma, stress it at womens classes target the areas where they live. i.e Pollokshields, westend, Govanhill etc.
Girls do not want to marry back home and do not want to marry men that have come from abroad even if that is what is available especially from the Pak-Indian Sub. Look and see the future result that will and are happening due to the result of this;
A- High women unmarried now in their late 20's,30's
B- Marrying non Muslims as result of factor A
C- Zina Result of factor A and B
D- Marrying other groups parents/society reject (major taboo) Result of factor A
The reason why women do not marry overseas men is obvious I do not need to explain. This is NOT the solution.
Yes, encourage men who are from the UK to sign up, just like we encouraged the men to come to the events that were held in Glasgow and Edinburgh and look what the outcome was. 90% of females attended and 20% mixture but predominantly men on student visas.
I blame the parents for treating their sons different than their daughters. This is what the problem is. That is how we are in this situation. It is not due to high females being born than males. It is due to sons are marrying back home and marrying girls outwith their groups resulting in a drastic imbalance of Muslimahs not married. we still have a taboo about Muslimahs marrying Arabs but same is not said about men. Muslimahs not encouraged to marry reverts but same is not said about men.
This is the double standards that also need to be addressed.
You will find that those who
You will find that those who are registered on the databases and who attended events are that of females. So where does this idea of those who don't register are the ones who are more vocal. those who are more vocal and then register you will find then a 10000% increase of more females to males still registered on them!
On the Madrasa/Al-Furqan
On the Madrasa/Al-Furqan marriage website, the female to male ratio is 3:2. That's not a huge imbalance.
One problem of our quick-fix generation is that people think that they'll have access to thousands of profiles on a website, forgetting that in real life, they have maybe one or two leads at any point in time. If you get only one lead on a website, then that's one lead that you never would have had otherwise.
Yes that may be true and good
Yes that may be true and good on Masjid Al-Furqan for doing this. More awareness needs to be addressed on this website. Maybe advert in Friday people or other islamic papers? A hint to Central Masjid to promote it even though they may not want to be involved as that is still the largest masjid where most attend for salah etc. After all we are an Ummah, right?
One thing to rememeber is that most are wanting things done in a halal way, well I would like to think so. There are vast choices to find non Muslims and do haram but if you are married you have that comfort of coming home and loving someone, forming a bond and sharing your stress problems to, a hug can be a lift from your shoulders.
Everyone desires this. There is no shame as Allah made us with affection. Those who have had patience thus far I think is only fair to say know the harsh reality out there. Remeber they are looking for a halal route and as I said the quickest way is the haram way and some of the people out there have been more than patient and have taken life as it comes to them and have to face the question they hate to answer and have to justify things which they should not have to.
Most of the females know the sad reality of finding a spouse and as of this they will not be in any hurry that anyone will now do.
Don't just look at the ratio
Don't just look at the ratio itself,
look at what constitutes the number itself..
-if you look at the madrasa marriage site the majority of the male are from overseas!
The majority of girls from here do NOT wish to marry men from abroad who have visa etc
So therefore the ratio is meaningless if looked at properly.
Which is why it is so important to be proactive and start making people aware that in order to solve a certain problem ie not enough glasgow-born men joining this site,
then start making the community aware of it and getting those very people to join!!
I asked Central Masjid if
I asked Central Masjid if they'd put a poster up and I was slapped down rather quickly because they "don't get involved in such things". So that was the end of that.
Re. the overseas people - it's not possible to stop people on temporary visas joining the website - the documentation check was reduced because people were never going to accept having to show so many documents, so a half-way house was implemented instead.
Ads went into the Friday People and Scotland's Chronicle - alhamdulillah, these publications insert these ads for free because it's a public service and they often do it without needing to be asked.
That is a really sad state of
That is a really sad state of affairs of the central masjid doing this. This masjid built around in 1984 was from whose pocket? Who does the masjid serve?
If they do not invlove in such things...what do they involve themselves with? The community? What makes the community? What serves the community?Who makes the community? What services are available for the community when in need?
You can not go to the masjid so where do you turn? Do not ask money cenrtal masjid of any kind from the community if you can not serve them and have leaders who are full of their own self importance and power. Everyone will be asked how we lived in the Duniya and what we did.
Sometimes I wonder about these religious front.......anyone who speaks out is treated with disrespect. A place of worship... a place where the community gather for weddings, Salah, juma and Janazah.
The ummah is no more as it's each man for himself...forget sadakah, forget looking out for one another, even in general terms. This saddens me that we have got this far in life to come to this means.
Wikipedia on Central
Wikipedia on Central masjid...especially the last paragraph.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glasgow_Central_Mosque
Similar aims & objectives are
Similar aims & objectives are listed in the Mosque's Constitution. I have recommended on other marriage-related discussion threads that people should write to the Mosque and ask for answers - but I doubt anyone has done that.
At the risk of comparing apples and oranges, look at what people power achieved in Tunisia and Egypt.
Masjid Al Furqan can not
Masjid Al Furqan can not achieve the goals alone, nor Madrassa Taleem Ul-Islam, the masjid are local and small, but maybe they can achieve it in time Allah hu Alim Inshallah. It has to come from this central Masjid being the LARGEST in Scotland and also being in the central location it is in hence why it was bulit there.
These men holding on to the powers of the commitee etc are doing what exactly for the community? Old peoples club, Quran reading for the kids.
What else do they run actually as I have never used it other than Janazah and reading Salah. I do not live with the community and so now wondering what faciliities do they provide?
Or anywhere for that matter. Is there any Muslim facilities for single females to join etc to meet other like fellow Muslims? Age range of 25+. A social group I am meaning, a place to meet, chat, bulid network for those of us who are working and have time in the evenings, weekend to relax. Share life experience, who are not in any cliques who do not want to make a name for themselves in the society of self importance.
If you have old peoples clubs, do the Masjid run single female clubs to meet other women to befriend?
Can someone list me the facilities available the Masjids provide in Glasgow, especially for women Islamic and Non Islamic particularly social networking?
But a list of what these masjids run would be interesting since they serve the community in the Strathclyde region.
Jazakallah.
I think we should all look at
I think we should all look at the positive - Alhamdulillah 2local masjids have taken on board the issues of marriage problems in the muslim community and solved it best they could!
Yes central mosque in the main mosque in glasgow, but to be realistic Madrasa is quite a focal point for the muslims in the southside, and masjid al-furqan is the main one in the west end.
So, as far as i can see its a win-win situation Alhamdulillah!
We have to utilise what we have and not say "oh it could be better if central mosque was on board.."
Lets forget the 'what ifs' and focus on what we have.
It would be a real shame if because of our moaning and lack of use of the marriage site, that the marriage site gets switched off.
Where can we get leaflets on it?
What we can do is:
1. spread the message of marriage site via word-of-mouth
2. if there are leaflets on it, then distribute it at the mosques you attend when going to pray salah etc
3. pass leaflets to family members, friends
4. hand-out leaflets to muslim shops
InshAllah lets all start using the facilities we have and when it becomes a success, then you never know maybe one day InshAllah central mosque may come on board! Allah is the best of planners
So, once again everyone, please let everyone know about this site and lets make it a success InshAllah!
If there are any males who
If there are any males who are not married let us know by writing here as it seems they are hibernating or extinct and the comments are made only by females discussing on this issue.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHZoyntj_cU
If you don't find in this Duniya, continue your life, keep rightous and Allah will grant us in the hereafter Inshallah.
The role models of many young
The role models of many young Muslim males are unfortunately the "wrong " types in my opinion. If it is not Salam Khan, Shah Rukh Khan, Amir Khan etc now for the British young Muslim Asian it is the boxer Amir Khan.
Many guys look up to him and want to be like him, reasons I do not understand. However, is he the right role model? What happened to the role model being that of the Rasul and Nabi Prophet Muhammed PBUH.
Do not get caught up in the first place of being in unIslamic places then have to clear your name afterwards. The youth look and think it is acceptable and then follow suit. There are plenty of men already behaving this way and not looking to settle down with a Muslimah and even that without having fun first and then reach ages of 40-50 then want an Asian Muslimah never been touched etc after being with non Muslims previously.
Each to their own, however do not come looking for Muslimahs once you have had your cake and then blame her for being on the shelf.
If you are an Imam reading these please can you stress the importance of the company you keep and how important the halal way is and how it affects us all in society male and female, young and old as then this leads to them spirling out of control and then eventually the parents want to marry them off to a good little girl and are in denial and say it is just them being boys and will come and see sense after.
http://www.metro.co.uk/showbiz/856684-amir-khan-i-didnt-sleep-with-katie-price
To me he is not the role model I would like for my children and you see this time and time again of a relationship with a non muslim dissolving then the man wanting to marry the "right one after making a mistake". This includes men who came over in the 60's right down to the current day. Then quote Islam allows a man to marry of the book. Yes, with certain rulings. These are just excuses to justify themselves going with the woman who is not Asian and nothing to do with religion what so ever.
Here's a few interesting
Here's a few interesting reads.We are NOT alone!
I am hearing of few Muslimahs now looking to marry non Muslims and then convert them to solve their problem due to lack of suitable Muslim men. Also, Women will not be 2nd wives as in the UK she has no right as she is seen as a common law wife. Marriage is also not registered as polygamy law according to laws of UK. Imam just carry out a nikkah and not being officially registered.
How does the Imam know how many talaqs the man has given and that the man in question has gone over more than 4 wives by this method if there are no records of it. Seems like a mutah marriage to me.Please can someone inform me incase I misunderstood the tracking of this system of nikkah only marriages with no formal documentations? Only documents registered with wife number one only.
Today I was asked why I was not married being in my 30's by a man who is married to a non Muslim woman. Told me if that marriage ended he will look for an Asian wife and plenty would accept him as well. Ironic to say the least I thought. I enjoyed these reads below and hopefully my dear sisters I hope you will at least empathise with them also.
http://www.jewcy.com/sex-and-love/islam_and_judaism_too_many_unmarried_w...
http://www.themuslimwoman.org/entry/saudi-arabia-a-mecca-of-unmarried-wo...
http://www.milligazette.com/Archives/2004/16-31May04-Print-Edition/16052...
http://goatmilkblog.com/2009/03/12/contemporary-muslim-woman-series-over...
http://jannah.org/halfmydeen/index.php?topic=264.0;wap2
http://jannah.org/halfmydeen/index.php?topic=349.0;wap2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG79slvDsiE&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_stronge...
Very good lecture by Imam
Assalamu-Alaikum
Assalamu-Alaikum everyone,
there have been very interesting points made regarding the womens problem in finding husbands in glasgow,
and i just wanting to know what the men in glasgow are experiencing on this issue as there only seems to be comments from females on this site??
Hi, I posted on 6th feb and
Hi,
I posted on 6th feb and not much has changed. Also, came across this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXfYUh56D6Q
Why is this not being taught?
Not everyone believes in
Not everyone believes in having halal relations and so have their fun etc and therefore don't believe in marrying!
I must say i am very
I must say i am very surprised you are experiencing difficulty in getting married while young
as i am a 28yr old female and i am being told i am too old!
I wish you all the best InshAllah
I agree talks like these should be more common in our community, marriage is not being tackled head on.
http://www.soundvision.com/In
http://www.soundvision.com/Info/Islam/mar.help.asp
Another good advice
I guess one of the major
I guess one of the major problems with marriage sites is that people are not really looking for muslims. They are looking for Arian caste people. I'm not holier than thou...but please do point out one line of the Quaran that asks people to marry within their own caste.
I found this too that people
I found this too that people are only looking and asking if you are Arien. The reason for this is majority of people here are of this caste in Glasgow. However, if you are well off etc then caste in not too much of the focus and then turns to what you can provide.
Saying this even though there are lots of those in this caste, still manage to find it hard so what chance if going by the caste system is any hope for the rest of us. I am looking for a Muslim regardless of ethnicity as I do not believe in caste, segregation, tribalism, culture division or what ever other groupings there are. This is a major problem in Scotland, too many groupings.
A sister made a point of
A sister made a point of saying that all single Muslims (male&female) serious about getting married should all meet up in eg a cafe or somewhere, as all other routes of finding a spouse have been exhausted!
I agree with this as i think we can all see from the above points there are too many issues before a family/person will even agree to consider you.
So this might be a positive alternative InshAllah.
At the risk of sounding like
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you should really register with www.madrasa.co.uk/marriage
All you're doing is firefighting a problem - and the numbers are never going to be great enough to do even that.
Then there are the appropriateness and control issues associated with this type of event.
The bottom line is that the community needs a strategic top-down solution which everyone buys into.
I hope I got all my buzzwords in :-)
You will find that most girls
You will find that most girls now will not register with the database as girls know that there are always more females to males on it. Yes they can try it as no harm. But please explain why this database is different from the other Glasgow website match4muslims? This is off putting and more so the males on them are mostly from overseas and to be honest females are not interested. Now are wanting to take the matters as best they can in their own hands. Maybe so it won't turn out well but is that data base really going to have many males on it? It is the men that need to be targated not the females.
The females are over 30 and are mature enough to know what they want and what they do not want to put up with. To register on the date base if you are female, your parents need consent?
Parents are now asking the females to go and now look for themselves so why will the daughter ask for parents consent to register on the database and provide documented ID if most men from overseas do not provide this as it is restrictions for them otherwise they will not register. Again double standards. Most of the overseas are sponsered here and have some family here.
Also, the community are the ones who need to be educated and stop being engrossed in culture. Not everyone has the same culture as the next person as it depends on the region your family are from.
I think the database is a good idea but I don't mean to sound negative but previous people have tried and failed why would this be any different? There needs to be more input, more men coming forward as you can not move forward if all females or mostly females are registered and that is the problem why it doesn't work, lack of males registered on it.
No disrespect to admin, but
No disrespect to admin, but previous comments from single ladies who have registered on the madrasa site (if memory serves me correctly) have stated that there are too many overseas guys registered on it and that was one of the problems. We all know there will be issues about the control/appropriateness of a bunch of us meeting up in a cafe but once again, the idea is that it is for those SERIOUS about marriage.
It will be during the day and in a public place, and my own personal opinion is, that If we are old enough and responsible enough to be looking for a marriage partner then, I'm sure we can be trusted to meet up and hang out and talk!! Like I have stated before, any arrangements are being made on here so anyone who wishes to see whats happening can turn up!!
My parents will KNOW where I am going and whats happening as they are aware I am seriously looking for a rishta. Anyone who is not happy with this type of "event" (and I'm not sure I would even call it that!!) does not have to attend or can bring someone along to accompany them. The aim/intention is not to mess about!! I do not think that a group of single male and female muslims who are SERIOUS about marriage would be meeting up in a cafe, in their home town no less, to mess about!!
As one of the single ladies said previously, if the numbers of guys attending is going to be so low (as is expected) then it will still be an opportunity to meet like minded individuals and at least make new friends! I have been to marriage events in Glasgow that did not have anywhere near an equal number of males and females and complaining to the event organisers afterwards did not even merit a decent response.
I DO think its a shame that there is nowhere for us to hang out and network which is why I made the suggestion of meeting up in a coffee shop, again, for those SERIOUS about marriage who have tried other options. I hope to maybe set a date for this in the very near future inshAllah and see how many people turn up.
Miss35
Pinduism is to blame here.
Pinduism is to blame here. This is not to be confused with Hinduism, which is a religion, whereas Pinduism is a way of life.
Our pindu community still thinks it's 1960 in the pind. If the pindus went back to Pakistan, they'd be amazed that the clocks in the pind actually moved on.
No-one from the previous generation is going to acknowledge or tackle these problems. If and when it is tackled, it'll be done by the next generation.
[end rant]
Re. Databases
Singletons are like ships passing in the night. Females don't register because they think British-born males don't register. Then British-born males don't register because they think females don't register because they're thinking that not enough British-born males are registering. This spirals downwards fast.
Our job is to do what we humanly can and then have faith in Allah. If we're not doing the first bit then how will the second bit come about. Logic demands that EVERYONE is in one big "database" to maximise everyone's "chances".
Regarding documentation, the rules are different because of the role of the wali in a woman's marriage.
Lastly, if someone is foreign-born, that doesn't mean he'll do a bunk the first chance he'll get. One solution could be to demand/receive a large mahr, which may lessen the chances of a marriage breaking down over citizenship-seeking.
Admin, from previous
Admin, from previous experiences set in Glasgow, many women have come forward and have registered with match4muslims and attended events. Therefore, the females know that there will be lack of men on it. It is not a case of we won't register as we think men will not be on it etc. We KNOW they are not on it from previous years telling us this. So how this database will come up with lots of males is a mystery.
British males KNOW females are on it and they KNOW the females are all British. Males are not coming forward only they know why.
Look at the database now and count statistically how many males:females are on it. I cxan tell you now for sure that more females are on the database who will no doubt be british and the males will be less in number and those on it are overseas. Hence system fails.
Miss35 I will be gladly meet up with you and discuss issues on this if you are willing to agree.
Muslimah over 30 years old.
Provisional date to have a
Provisional date to have a bunch of us meet up might be next saturday 26th March say at 3pm? I guess we can see how many turn up and how it goes from there? Possibly a coffee shop in town which might be easy for everyone to get to? Unless anyone thinks otherwise? Feedback anyone? Hope all the single ladies and guys that have expressed this is a good idea will come.
Miss35
http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordp
http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2010/06/22/marriage-without-wali/
On second thoughts maybe
On second thoughts maybe everyone will find it annoying to get parked in town unless you're not driving. So was thinking of meeting up in Beanscene on Battlefield Rd on Saturday 26th March at 3pm. Again any more feedback from anyone? Does this suit or shall we just go for it and see how it goes? Not really heard any feedback about the date/time/location so am hoping everyone who thought it is a good idea will be checking back on here.
Miss35
Hiya, This would be a meet
Hiya,
This would be a meet for a chat about the marriage situation in Glasgow?
I'm tired of the community
I'm tired of the community treating us as kids, look everyone knows that they must keep things controlled when they meet the other gender or it just ends badly or inappropriately, enough experience of other friends has shown us that.
There should just be a 'marriage hangout' event, at a coffee shop perhaps, and a set of 'chats', where people can actually chat about marriage related issues - i.e. what events they can setup together, but also to meet people (rishtas) if that happens. There is no 'shame' in this, as much 'danger' in it as when you are at a 'controlled wedding', etc.
Why are people wanting to 'go through mosques' and such? They are not nearly as able yet to function in that capacity, neither are the few marriage events, just create a culture of DIY meetups.
For example: 'Glasgow Family Meetup', rules (1) come with good intention knowing the rules (2) expect to discuss about marriage issues (from thinking about how to sort out matching services to other concerns), (3) expect to give your details and be matched with potentials either attending the event or known to them etc, (4) expect all the usual stuff that happens at any gathering like people trying to show-off, trying to get their way etc, but (5) know that this is how its done.
s
Meeting at Beanscene at 3pm
Meeting at Beanscene at 3pm on Saturday the 26th March sounds good to me.
I think also 3pm at beanscene
I think also 3pm at beanscene is a good idea this Saturday. Can't wait to see like minded females like myself in the same boat! Have a right proper chat sounds good to me. Inshallah see you there.
ps if it goes ahead on
ps if it goes ahead on Saturday, how do we know who we are looking out for etc since we don't know one another. It is not like we are going to approach someone who resembles a Muslim.
If this is the case I will refer myself as Miss Autumn if someone approaches me etc and then I will reply who I am and I will wait outside the cafe if it suits others this way? No doubt if you went to the events we have seen each other at some point by face and recognition.
Its a meeting of single males
Its a meeting of single males and females who are SERIOUS about marriage to get together and just hang out and talk/network. (see previous posts from myself) I think we will be okay at figuring out who we are as I don't think its likely that a whole OTHER bunch of asian singletons are also gonna be there looking a bit confused!!
Hope it will be a good turn out and looking forward to hearing from others who have tried other options of finding a rishta that have not worked. Hope I dont get lynched for suggesting this in the first place so i might remain anonymous!! :) (kidding!!)
Miss35
Its definitely going ahead as
Its definitely going ahead as no point in waiting around. Think I put up the initial post for the idea about 2 weeks ago or a bit longer than that and the response has been really positive so i thought i would just set the date and see who turns up. Like i said initially, its also a chance for us all to network and meet/talk to like minded individuals. So bring along as many friends as you can that are seriously looking for a rishta, both males and females.
Miss35
For anyone whos only just
For anyone whos only just reading the recent comments and wanting to know what we are talking about, you can see my initial post on March 11 (its on the MARRIAGE thread of the discussion)
Tell others that you know who are also seriously looking for a rishta-BOTH guys and gals.
Miss35
See you on saturday,
See you on saturday, inshAllah Miss Autumn.
Miss35
And did you meet?
And did you meet?
i married at the age of 21 in
i married at the age of 21 in pakistan and my husband and i had 3 daughters i was constantly shudded by his family for not having a boy we would suffer financially in order for his family to do umrah then hajj then medical bills then build a new home and there constant visits to the uk where i would cook and clean all day long as well as look after 3 children and as well as fufill my duties at work.
Then the arguments got worse because i refused to have another child and my husband lifted a knife to me and then i decided that i cant live this life after 10 years of marraige i called the police who charged him and removed him from the marital home, family got involved and we reconciled for the sake of our children and then one day we recieved a call early hours of the morning that my father in law was serioudly ill and my husband arranged a flight and left for pakistan thr next day.
He never called to tell me he had arrived safely and when i called my in laws house nobody attended the phone which obviously worried me because of my father in laws ill health i called a neighbour and was advised it was my husbands mehndhi and tommorow he would be getting married to his first cousin.
He sent me a divorce from pakistan and has not spoken or contacted me since!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
so i dunno its kismet guys ....................................
The prophet saaw gave his
The prophet saaw gave his best and most prized daughter Fatima zahra, (one of the only 4 perfect women) to ALi ra a poor man. who had nothing except a sword he used for jihad. they married when neither had anything, Ali sold his sword to uthman and used the money for fatimas make up, .... then the relatives and friends helped them build a house... the prophet gave fatima some pots and pans which she used for cooking...
He ali was not working and had no money. yet offers from rich and most high quraish leaders were rejected by the prophet in favour of ali because he had good deen and good character and was handsome...
if we use religion we must use it in balance and with hikma... with out sound knowledge we are making big mistakes.
when financial means are not good, we trust in allah and allah provides. If we put financial stipulations and then we go against quran's advice such as if a man with good deen and good character come and propose not to reject him. as if u do then there will be immence corruption on the face of this world and on the day of qiyamat we will have to answer.
after all whose house did the prophet saaw live in after marriage, he had no house of his own!!!!
all these comments by women going against the deen of islam and against the sunna are evidence of the women whom are astray.
lets be honest, and fair.
lets be honest, and fair. "it is closer to piety" . Al quran.
1, the only ayat in the quran that mentions women before men is ??? the ayat with reference to marriage...
the good women for good men... so the onus is on good women.
2, the ayat of quran says, when a man with good deen and good character comes to propose for the female. not to reject him. if you do you will see a immence fitna on the face of this world and on the day of qiyamat the parents will be anserable for this. Al quran.
3, the sign of qiyamat is the prophet saaw a momim (believer) will tie his wife daughter at home so not to go out to the dajjal...
4, 42 out of 43 inhabitants of hell fire are women. and vast majority of these will come at the end of times such as prior to and when the dajjal comes...
5, the only two women to be mentioned by name in quran? bilqees and Maryam the mother of jesus. what jobs did they have? the only woman to have a chapter named after her in the quran is ? maryam the mother of jesus, what job did she have?
6, Quran says men have a degree higher then the women,
7. two women to one male in witness testimony , sharia law
8 womens weekness in mentruation is their weekness in spirituality. sahi hadith
9, marry women of your choice, 2,3, or 4 if you can deal with them justly. al quran
10, women are not allowed to give divorce they can only ask for kullah... ie. back door divorce. sharia law.
11, the word 'UMMA' comes from the arabic word 'umm' which means mother. if the society is good that means the women in that society are good, if the society is bad the women in the society are bad, as its the women who make the society no the men.
the above are only quran and hadith quoted nothing except quran and hadith.
12 , women have higher materialistic desires and wants and so then men, if they get their priorities right and focus on marriage there will be no problem
13, women are further away from islam then men are... why do we say men from abroad have a different mentality, why not the women born in the uk a the problem? After All even eastern europeans see British women as loose and they are not muslim or pakistani!
14, Even eastern european and non muslims from the sub continent or even south america see uk women as loose and feministic. religion and pakistani has nothing to do with it.
15, 90% of divorces filled are by women in uk!
16, Women have forgotten their roles, if they fulfill their roles society will be good again.
17 women are preferring to delay their marriage in search of career. and hence men are forced to wait to marry.
18, best age for child birth is 21, average age of professional muslim marriage is 25-30.
19, uk has highest unwanted teen preg rate in whole of the world, why do we blame the men from abroad and not the women from uk born and bred here!
20, women are working and not lookng after the kids or focussin on marriage, hence society has many vices...
21, child problem rates are soaring due to single parent families and poor parenting...
22, too many things to mentionn, but do you get the picture...
WHERE ARE THE WOMEN LIKE MARYAM TO GIVE BIRTH TO MEN LIKE JESUS AS???
The women you desire are in
The women you desire are in Pakistan. Go there and you are sorted!
Back up your findings and
Back up your findings and also, where are these pious men?
How successful was the
How successful was the introductions that happened in the Hilton? I missed it due to a family event.
Ok Know what you girls are
Ok Know what you girls are talking about I am 17 and I have many friends (Muslim) who are dating and sexual active with girls both White and asian girls. But I don't know why but I am not attracted the same women they are I much rather be with a respectable well educated Muslim wife maybe it's because I like to study about Islam and I don't drink or take drugs but I don't know. I wish I was 6-7 years older because I would love to get married but the fact is I am too young I also fear that when it does come to the time when I am old enough there will not be any respectable and educated Muslims left to marry :(
We are already at the stage
We are already at the stage where there is lack of decent especially "Muslim" men to marry. If not doing, selling drugs, drink, club, pub. Go about the town and then you have their parents phoning your parents looking for a match while they are out "getting heavy mad with it".
Look around town, busy areas especially evenings and nights, and they are getting younger. If you think this is a myth, go out your houses and see for yourselves. I live in an area where there is lots of bars etc, so when I come home from visiting family you see them starting their night while the rest of us are retiring for bed!
I would strongly disagree
I would strongly disagree with you on that one however i completely respect your opinion. First of all Your not a Muslim if your selling drugs,drinking or simply doing any vice. I am a liberal Muslim man 26 and single and Alhumdulillah successful. However I am more inclined to get married in Pakistan first off the things I hate about the girls families here are the following:- -
Man has to have a degree -
Man has to of the right class system
-Man has to have his own house -
Man has to be following the deen
First of all I do not have a degree
2nd class systems the very mention of it annoys me. The first person to be a racist was iblees in his attitude towards Adam. If anyone talks about cast I automatically cross that person off the list. You can keep your daughter.
3rd own house yes I do but should not be a priority. 4th most families will ask you the first 3 things first of all this is the acid test because by now I am not remotely interested in pursuing the relationship simply because out of all the 4 things the priority is the deen and it should be the FIRST thing they should ask. Not come across one family that has done that so hence why I will consider elsewhere. But again I am not having a go at you. l
I have just come across this
I have just come across this website, and to be honest I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.....honestly I don't.
The whole thing is a joke,
The whole thing is a joke, especially what you see around you and the society expecting you to follow this pathetic cutural set up!
Been refusing proposals
Been refusing proposals because boy cannot provide halal income, is not praying, has no intention to either, I do not have a degree or cannot get past the boy,s mother,s approval. Why? I,m not the most fairest girl around or the tallest. around so the search continues for prettiest girl or highest degree. Deen is not classed as the main priority for the mothers no matter how islamic they call themselves. As for looking after the parents if they appreciated what daughter -in -laws did for them I think we girls would do more. In our culture its never enough. Another point to make also is that girls are raised all through their life being reminded how to perform their duties with a husband or in laws I would like to know how many boys are given a pre marriage lecture about the duties of a wife. The boys are totally confused to what they want, if they don,t bring their own then they don,t have a say.
Boys are told, go out be a
Boys are told, go out be a man. So they go out and hang about with pals and some drink, drugs, go chasing girls , regardless what religion they are even if it's for fun and they are getting younger at it.
They grow up to go to work, chase after fancy cars etc, go out and expect their mothers or and sisters to do the cooking, cleaning and the sister also has to be home doing these chores eevn though she will also be working but more so won't be out the town like the son. This depends on the age of the generation also.
The girls now a days are catching up on the guys but still have a bit more to go to get where the guys are, but the other generation, the men are vast in this type and this is where the problems lie also in why girls are left unmarried at this particular age group.
Do not deny this as one of the reasons. It is all out there and around you, open your eyes and the truth is more out there than you can even imagine!
The next time someone asks you why you are not married, tell them match me someone who is of like with me. Also, it is qader from Allah what happens.
Name me also many males who cook, clean, wash up etc as they are like the dodo bird. They think it is the womens job as this is what they are brain washed to believe from their mums, but this is cultural. Culture rules over religion wheather you want to admit it or not from the wee wifey to the local Imam in some masjids, thats a fact!
I agree with your above
I agree with your above comment.
I'm educated, quite an average person in looks and personality and to be honest am not looking for anyone spectacular (they don't exist) and nor do I think I have ever been fussy. The situation is that I was introduced to a 'muslim match-making service'. I myself have found myself to be rejected after meeting with a few potential matches- and I can't even understand what it is the guys of this generation are looking for,or are they in fact looking for themselves or for another 'mother figure'. I've been matched up with a couple of guys and I didn't appear to be what they were looking for (which is fine) but on the other end then I get offered matches of people that are just the polar end of what I've asked for in a person? Does that make me a hypocrite?
I certainly would not prefered to have gone down this particular route as I don't at the best of times feels it does anything to help one's confidence. In terms of feedback, you don't know what is wrong with you to be rejected, is it looks? personality?background or outlook on life? In this day and age, people need to realise that it's not about falling in love with someone instantly, and that love grows with marriage. Whereas the men of today are just looking for a trophy girlfriend or someone to take over their mother's role. But neither is it about taking the first one that comes' by. The pressure these days by all the uncles/auntie jee types asking "why you not married?", is absolutely insane. I mean does anyone think these girls want to still be sitting at home and be on the receiving end of the same questions. Maybe these aunties/uncles should take a look at themselves and see the values they have instilled in their own children, and see how this impacts upon these unmarried girls. Instead, after their precious young boys have lived a little-the easiest thing is to cart them off to Pak and find them a suitable wife.
To be quite frank, the muslim population need to wake up and smell the coffee, otherwise it will their great grandkids in the same position as many youngsters are today.
.
Glasgow sucks for its pindo
Glasgow sucks for its pindo mentally. Look outwith why settle for pakistani muslim. Woman have better chances looking for muslim outwith the pakistani culture.
Yes, I agree that muslim
Yes, I agree that muslim women should look outwith their own community and marry a muslim man. However, the pindo mentality still dicatetes that oh my god! she married a non pak and that is bad what will people say. Parents and society, especially if it is the girl who married a non Pak, not the man as this is different to them...why... who knows! still do not like it.
I know that for some people when looking to marry their other kids, have rejected a girl due to other siblings marrying non Pakistanis, why should this be so.......because its all cultural based. The way I see it, they will be accountable as living by strict tradition and cultures have resulted in so many girls islamic rights been taken away from them.
Even most leaders in the community , preachers etc adhere to culture over Islam and don't say to the community that it is wrong to stick to caste, wrong to prevent a sister marrying a muslim from another muslim ethnic background and treating it as if haram. The place is mad and it just makes me annoyed!
Glasgows not a recommended
Glasgows not a recommended place to seek marraige if your not of the right caste, ethnicity, same village back in pakistan- this mentality isn't just amongst the older generation, but also resides sunconsciously within the younger generation,whether they admit to it or not. Glaswegian Asians have 1000 list of what they want in a potential spouse of the same ethnicity- but soon as a white convert becomes available the list is trashed and even a ned will do. I know how the sister feels with regards to the pressure to be married, but as the word goes if you belong to the pakistani 'Rai' family in Glasgow, you get married asap, its all the ones with the 'wrong caste' or 'wrong ethnicity' that are hanging about still looking to get settled for years on. When you go outside the vicinity of meeting other muslims, especially Americans, Canadians, Londoners, it's really refreshing to see such tribal mentality doesn't exist, and so you see the cracks and flaws in the Glasgow muslim society- long way to go for us.
I would strongly suggest looking to get married outside of Scotland- go England, Europe, America, or whereever ( I know its difficult). Glasgow is the twin of faislabad/toba taik and other villages, so its going to be a hard one to crack if your a minority. Such poor values in essence reflects Glasgow has no element of sincere brotherhood/sisterhood or a community set up which looks out for the needs of others. Save yourself the heartache, people elsewhere will appreciate you. No point even asking folk in Glasgow to look for you, the lack of sincerity will become apparent hence waste of energy.
lastly make lots of duaa for yourself and for those who are also looking.
Kind regards
"Always expect good of Allah. Abu Hurayrah(R.A) said that Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم said, Allah said, 'I am as My servant thinks of Me.' So when good happens, say alhamdulillah, and when what you perceive as "bad" happens, still say alhamdulillah and trust that Allah Al-'Alīm Al-Hakīm Al-Wakīl has ordained good in that situation whether or not you, in your own limited knowledge, are able to comprehend it"
I very much doubt it. There
I very much doubt it.
There happens to be misconception that you will find in Pakistan what you can't find here. You will be mistaken. If anything, Pakistan is much more advanced than here in the UK. What makes it worse is that they have Islam everywhere, a mosque on virtually every corner.
Yes, a lot of young men in Glasgow have gone off the track. But they are not the only ones. Many girls have too. Where I work, I see young Asian girls (granted that some of them are possibly non-Muslim), they are standing outside dressed in an immodestly and smoking.
So ask yourselves this, if our young women are behaving in non-Islamic ways, then what incentives are there for our yound men to marry them? Why not just go for a non-Muslim - at least they are not hypocrites?
Yes, I agree that religion and character should be first on the criteria list when looking for a suitable person for your child. But you have to ve careful - someone that presents themselves very well might not be all that in reality. Perhaps that is why the whole 'cast' things is alive and kicking in Glasgow - better the 'devil' you know?
I think what takes place
I think what takes place between two consenting adults, and is acceptable according to Islam, is something for them to be concerned about. Not you or I.
What I do have a problem with is people being judgmental. Do you not have any problems of your own where you could spend some thought to resolve?
With regards to the taxpayer picking up the tab for any costs associated with this particular family. What makes you think that the elderly gentleman hasn't spent his (earlier) lifetime contributing to the treasury?
The caste is "Arien". This
The caste is "Arien". This caste along with Mirpuri make up the vast majority of the groups in Glasgow and the UK as a whole. If they find it hard to marry their own tribal groups, then what chance have the rest. Not that you should be marrying in a caste or group in the first place!
Mirpuri is NOT a caste!!
Mirpuri is NOT a caste!! Mirpur is a geographical area in Pakistan!! Not that my family believe in marrying by caste anyway. Just thought i would correct you :)
No, Mirpuri are a tribal
No, Mirpuri are a tribal group making up the vast majority of the people along with the Arien caste in the UK. Caste and group being 2 different things.
This thread has become
This thread has become boring
Girls are blaming the boys
Boys are blaming the girls
'Back home' is being provided as a solution
Bear in mind that the girls and boys there are no worse or better than the ones here
There are marriage services here but very few people are utilising them
It's just moan, moan, moan
If you want to get married then find someone via any mean
Lower your demands
Tell society to get lost
Happy Marriage folks!
If the thread has become
If the thread has become boring, then don't come on. Or bar the threads. You will find not many using the "back home" as a route as not practical for them. Those who have are also divorcing after 10 plus years of marriage if not before or putting up with it living miserably. The marriage services you talk of, can you list who they are, what they charge, who is registered on them etc?
If not many registered on them, it must tell you something. From previous discussons, those who are on them state that registered people are overseas students or on Visa and English is not their first language. Most are British born females registered on marriage services, with overseas men. If not many are pursuing this route of interest, it means they do not think it is right for them and is their right too. You can't expect a group of people and another to just think "Oh well, that is all there is , they will have to do, bang wollop, you should marry!"
Why should anyone marry back home, when they are not from there, it is their parents. Also, why then bring over a spouse who has left their country of origin to the UK for only in future their kids could be in the same situation...keeping bringing back home? A culture and way of life so alien to them. Not all go back to their motherland to visit for various reasons. If someone can not accept that, then ask why they came to the UK when something simple as freedom of choice can not be excercised. Islam should give you this anyway!
Please get this understanding, those settled here will rarely consider someone back home as mentality and life style clashes. They may have same religion, but habits are different and when they marry, they always tend to move to the UK.
Marry like with like. A drug addict is not compatible with someone who is not. Someone who is conservative in views does not match with someone who is quite liberal, the values have to be similar. This is not demanding but logical.
I totally agree with the
I totally agree with the scholar....there is the issue of mentality difference and I should know, my husband is from Pakistan. My husbands mentality could have adjusted to mine but when he has family who have the worst typical kind of mentality then it becomes hard....and it becomes hard because even though I'm not living with in-laws in Pakistan they still manage to effect my life in a big way. My brother in-law is not educated so therefor cannot get a good job so is totally reliant on my husband for his financial needs. He has a wife and 4 kids that my husband is supporting, along with his parents. Ok the parents are entitled to receive my husbands support but when they have another son he needs to be contributing his share, by islamic law. We have 2 children and 1 on the way and I feel when we have our own family to support then why does my husband get blackmailed into providing for his brothers family. My bro-in law does not even try cos he knows he'll get it from here. The majority of people who are there in Pakistan end upn thinking that the 1 who gets married and comes here, he should be the earner. So this results in the lives of the girls here becoming tougher and we have to struggle.....but why???!! Its so unfair..... The maun thing which is lacking in our communities is the correct islamic teachings. If we have the correct teaching of islam then we would'nt have these problems. If a girl from here wants to stay seperate and have her privacy then islamically this is her right. In Saudi Arabia that is how people live. The parents of the boy might live next door or near by but they are seperate. If our people would think like this and work something out then there would'nt be a problem about this. Also if people think islamically properly then it does'nt matter who your child marries as long they are a good practising muslim. its better than your child going behind your back and getting a non muslim girl pregnant then introducing you to their son or daughter. Believe me it happens...I have seen this !!!!!
People start thinking islamically instead of going by their ancestors traditions then it would work out. Parent just need to be convinced of this. My son and daughter will insha Allah! marry here not in Pakistan !!
Yes i completly agree, if the
Yes i completly agree, if the man/woman is a pious good muslim then why do parents not agree. I guess they call it the generation gap, our parents have been brainwashed into thinking that they MUST marry their kids from back home, when there are probably many pious people in the u.k. I've promised myself that i wont make my children go through this. I will let them marry here as long as the person is a good muslim. I will not interfere with my childs life as after all it is them who will b spending the rest of their life with that person. Now i think that our minds dont match- like a guy from pak may not allow the wife to work, may not give her the love and respect she deserves. Im only 17, but inshaAllah will marry at 22, as i want to complete half my deen. Alhumdullilah i want a pious guy who has a good character and respects the elderly inshaAllah. I've never dated Alhumdullilah. I hope Allah gives us all the spouses we deserve.
What about us Christian women
What about us Christian women aswell? We are just the same, attractive , hard-working, and its hard to get a Scottish man, nobodys ever even asks me out after spending hours at hairdressers and beauty salons getting hair and nails done? Waste of time...;( ;(
Christianity make up the most
Christianity make up the most percent in the UK according to the census in 2001. If you have trouble finding, what chance have the other faith groups!
Have you studied, looked into
Have you studied, looked into or considered islam in your life?
Your outward appearance is not the most important thing, and despite anyones religion surely glamming yourself up to gain the attention of a male is only giving them the impression that how you look is the most important thing? Do you know why sisters of islam cover the way they choose to and the islamic teachings on this?
There is more to you , the person you are, than how you look inshallah you will find the right suitor one day
Firstly i would like to
Firstly i would like to correct you on your opinion..revert should be used instead of convert
secondly
the lists you are talking of I think all muslims looking for marriage have one, and why not?
Its what is on the list that determines the persons personality the possibility of if they are genuine or simply a gold digger or passport hunter.
Thridly, being interested in often because you are a white revert isnt actually a great thing, you are usually expected to fit in with the culture of asians backgrounds, have interfering mother in laws and put up with far to much culture and not enough islam, in my opinion that is.
Not to mention the hardship of trying to make friendships with many asian women when you have reverted, its almost like you are an enemy! Its tough going, gruelling and migrain causing stuff, whether you are born muslim or reverted the point is we are all muslims and all equal.
I am looking for a husband and trust me it is NOT easy! nothing to do with having a list as i only hope inshallah for the simple things, maturity, responsibility, motivation, sincerity and most important deen.
And just to note... not every asian person thinks of their culture and traditions before islam i know many whom are just as opinionated on this matter and agree! good and bad , correct and incorrect people are in all religions, cultures etc not just muslims
ah......ive read all these
ah......ive read all these blogs and as i scroll down you have your message, took the words right out my mouth lol, so glad someone put it across!
WE ARE ALL EQUAL DESPITE CULTURES RACE AND TRADITIONAL VALUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.s Getting married when you are a revert isnt easy at all bro, good luck inshallah you will find a suitor
Salaam sis, I agree, if only
Salaam sis, I agree, if only educating muslim men in these lectures maybe it would be different, I am a revert and to be honest absolutly getting a headache seeing the same blogs being put up here whinging about it. Islam before culture in my opinion and I think I am correct to have this opnion.But then again lets face it, men want pretty perfect women in all cultures race and religions not just islam lol what are us women meant to do...........oh i got it, go get a photo shoot and airbrush the pics to look like celebs ........yeah right! lol
Good luck sis inshallah you will find a suitable husband inshallah
Number one thing men look for
Number one thing men look for in getting married is her looks, then her status then lastly her deen. Most are cultured and expect you to fit into their way, even though you are not into tradition. Sad but true.
2 sisters looking to get
2 sisters looking to get married. Both educated, both same age, both attractive, both religious, both have same outlook in life,1 white revert, 1 born Asian Muslim. Which one does the guy seem interested in?
Race should not be a factor, but it is.
Hello every one, I am 23 yrs
Hello every one,
I am 23 yrs old girl from Pakistan.I got married in 2004 in Pakistan.My husband is british born and soon after getting married he started having affair with another women but after coming in uk he told me that he was in relation ship with a non muslim girl but after getting married that girl came back again in his life and they started seeing each other again.We lived togather for a month in uk togather but not as husband and wife coz he was in living relationship with that girl.I told every thing to my family and decided to help my husband to getting married with his non muslim girl friend.But he and his family took this thing like hell and my in-laws turn like reaaaaaaaaaaaaal night mare for me.so i have to step up for my self so they kicked me out from that house and they send me in hospital for forever i recover and relocate but i didnt no any law or any thing in this country i started job and all and thought of going back and my parents told me that i am not wel come in their house.Now i dont have any right to stay in this country but still am living here i dont no where to go coz i dont want to live with my parents i tried to kill my self few times.I hate ALL UK BORN MEN NOW.AND I HATE ANY RELIGIOUS PERSON I HATE FACT THAT I AM PAKISTANI.NOW AM MORE LIKE WESTERN WITH TATTOO ON MY SKIN.PLEASE HELP ME IN MY SITUATION I DONT WANT TO HATE ANY ONE BUT I CANT HELP,I AM NOT BAD GIRL I DO PRAY AND ALL BUT I DONT WANT ANY RELATION SHIP IN MY LIFE AND THAT WOULD ME MY LAST DAY OF LIFE IF I HAVE TO MARRY A MUSLIM GUY.PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO.I AM NOT SURE THAT IS GOOD SITE TO POST A COMMENT.
To the comment above. Ask
To the comment above. Ask yourself why did you marry a guy from a different country from you? He was in the UK and you were from Pakistan. Two different mentalities even though the guy,a descendant, but it is his parents and not he himself who is from there.
Why did you not marry a guy from the same Country as you or say to your parents you were not interested in it. You see, to be honest what happened to you is awful but this is so common.
Sorry to say the story is more coming out like this.
The guy in most cases will go over to Pakistan to please his parents over an arranged marriage. The Parents, even guys believe that girls born in the UK are corrupt or even know the fact the son has a non Muslim girl friend and he will mend his ways by marrying him off. They tend to be abroad for reasons of:
1. Girls in Pakistan are none the wiser of his doings
2. Girls in Pakistan are true to their culture and will mould him and settle him down of his bad ways
3. Girls in Pakistan will marry him as they will want to come to the UK so he will get lots of offers abroad
4 Marry a relative and she will stay with him even though she may find out what he did, as she has no other means of parents, work, friends and so is isolated and has to stay with him.
There are lots of guys who marry but they never really wanted to go abroad and marry. They had someone in mind before and will continue to see that person after marriage, or even someone else usually non Muslim but only married to get their parents off their back.
Your expereince has made you hate all UK born men, this is due to your experience. Maybe in time if you decide to remarry, could marry a Muslim who is from Pakistan.
Your experience should not have made you hate any religious person unless you went to a religiuos leader and found you didn't get the support you needed. You still have Allah at the end of the day. We can be dishearted in our lives and our iman can go high and low at times.
To get a tattoo however, this is an extreme case. Why would you do this? What was the reason and how did this result in you having this to your broken relationship?
At the end of the day, it seems your faith has weakened not just in trust but in iman. Do not hate who you are. You are Pakistani and that is where you came from. Do not try to copy western values to fit in and try rid of anything that resembled what you are by an identity crisis or rebelling.
As you have no one to turn to, maybe you are surrounded by non Muslims and doing and acting the very same way your ex husband behaved?
You came in 2004 and lived for one month with him. 7 years have passed, so how are you living here if you do not have right to stay here as you will not be allowed a job or claim benefits? Have you claimed asylum?
What happened to you shoud never happen to anyone.
Girls born in the UK can tell you of marriages that happened to them from British born and Pakistani born men. It is appauling that things like this happen. Also, to add some men also go through with this and get abused.
The main reason is the expectation of one spouse is not the same as the other spouse. Also, parents have alot to answer for as what they believe is a match made in heaven and their duty is done, in actual fact is a living hell for their children as clash of cultures and differences of thinking.
There is a place you can turn to.
Amina, Muslim women's resource centre
311 Calder Street
Govanhill
Glasgow
Scotland
G42 7NQ
0141 585 8026 or freephone 0808 801 0301
Please phone them and maybe they can assist you as they deal with things and can pass you on to other organistaions as they have seen it all before.
Inshallah it all works out well as you have taken the first step to open up about it here.
Hi everyone. I just wanted to
Hi everyone. I just wanted to share my views on the current discussion. I am a Pakistani student studying in the UK. And believe you me that almost 80% of the guys here I meet (British Pakistani or Pakistani) discourage me from seeking a British Pakistani girl. They say that it is better to find yourself a nice gori as they are better. Before I came to the UK, I thought that British Pakistanis or British Asians whose parents etc were from Pakistan and us (Pakistanis) are the same people bla bla. But in the UK I got to know that there is a HUGE difference between Pakistanis and British Pakistanis. They look down upon us and make fun of us in many ways while forgetting about their parents or grandparents background. British Pakistani people think as if every guy from Pakistan would marry a girl in the UK to get a visa. Similarly Pakistani people don't go for British Pakistani girls coz they have a bad reputation and think of themselves as goris which they are not. If you take me for example, I after completing my studies here and maybe getting some work experience for a few years to regain my money spent on education would not stay here in the UK as I would not want my children to grow up in such a messed up society inshAllah. Pakistan is a heaven and life there is much better, you only need to be a little smart and know how the system works. And please don't follow these mullas too much. They have done alot of damage in Pakistan and I don't expect you people to put them in high regard. Islam is an open religion and you have sufficient knowledge available to understand it yourself.
What amazes me is when people
What amazes me is when people say they can't find someone to marry, yet family know alot of people, have a lot of extended family and also have plenty people in their facebook account. What are the chances then of someone who on the other hand does not!
This facebook with most having so many friends on it, what is the problem? Are these people short of knowing others, stuck at home, out of the social circle?
The first place you look is in your own social group. If you do not have a social network, this is very different. However, most do and the numbers are vast yet they seem to think everyone is like them, knowing lots of people and still searching.
Think long and hard about your own network and social groups and why you find it hard when you know practically the whole city and beyond!
I really do feel that its
I really do feel that its very hard to find a nice/decent muslim man to get married to in this day and age. A sweeping generalisation i know but one i think to be true.
I had found an exceptional person and was married to him for 2 yrs, we were blissfully happy and even though we had not much in terms of worldly goods we were blessed with a very happy relationship. That was until his extended family decided that he had had long enough being happy and basically came between us when they forced him to choose between his family or his wife. Unfortunately my ex-husband did not realise the jealousy that compelled them to do this to him/us and so respected his elders by listening to them and giving me a divorce. I still wish him no ill-will even though i do wish evil upon those that instigated our breakdown.
I now find myself in a head-space whereby i feel ready to give marriage another go as do know what a good marriage feels like, but find that there is a lack of others who would wish to marry someone in their thirties!
Since reading the posts from other op's about not finding suitable men, I have a suggestion. The girls posting on this forum...surely some of you must have brothers who are looking to find a partner so why not arrange something whereby you can all post the info of ur muslim brothers and this will give sisters a platform to see whats out there and whos looking for the same thing!
I'm not keen on people giving
I'm not keen on people giving personal details out openly. There could be any old weirdo out there. No offence meant to the weirdoes - but you know who you are. Why not use existing, controlled channels, such as www.madrasa.co.uk/marriage (*groan*, you all say).
The sisters' who are looking
The sisters' who are looking are more than likely to have brothers who are married or not in the same age group. There are more girls of a certain age unmarried than there are of men.
Totally get that there is
Totally get that there is prob more women in the 30yr+ age bracket than men looking for marriage but the problem also seems to be that men have a penchant for looking for females q. abit younger than them, ie man 40 yet looking for women in the 25-30 age range! Why? Surely they would have more in common with someone same age as would have gone thru more of the same things in life...no?
Someone posted to look on websites but there is still stigma attached to using them...I think my family would definately frown upon it but thats coz I'm from a traditional Pataan family!
Looks like my only option to find a suitor is to not bother looking and think that if allah has willed it for me to be single/alone the rest of my life then so be it! They do say u cannot change ones destiny so I have started to think that i am meant to be alone in life and take care of my parents/siblings and relish in their dua's:)
Did U meet in a cafe? Sorry,
Did U meet in a cafe?
Sorry, as this may have been asked before but i couldnt find an answer.
If you did meet, how did it go and was it any use in terms of people turning up...would people consider doing another one in a diff city???
Bagpuss x
Asalaam Allaykum brothers and
Asalaam Allaykum brothers and sisters,
My family have been looking for a girl for my cousine who came to the UK to study three years a go but has faced hardship due to the stigma attached to our brothers coming from Pakistan. He has an Masters degree and works for a higly reputable financial institution.
I've been reading the difficulites people face, but does anyone have a practicle solution?
Why when students come from
Why when students come from overseas, look to marry here? Why do they not go back and then marry a girl from there? If he has family here and your family are looking for him, then maybe someone in your family can marry him, why look any further?
This is part of the problem, the family do not even want to marry them, so why should the next person. Firstly he has no stay and people fear it is a case of visa. Also, he will no doubt be sending money back home etc. Regardless if he has a PHd etc and earning megabucks, one thing is the culture and mentality barrier is vast, girls just will never go there.
The solution is he marries a girl back home from the same country as himself as like minded. Also, better for him as same understanding or a girl who also studied here as a student.
Yes we did back in March but
Yes we did back in March but hardly anyone turned up. I took a male friend along and there was another girl, so just 3 of us!! Very disappointing considering so many had posted comments on here saying it was a good idea but then did not come along!!! Oh well!!
Miss35
Maybe you can arrange next
Maybe you can arrange next one.
Men in their 40's look for a
Men in their 40's look for a lot younger in age as they are deluded into thinking a younger woman will fall for them. Mid life crisis! Also, factor is she is more fertile, more control over her ( so he thinks), and have a dolly bird on his am to show what he bagged. She is in it for the money or father figure if she goes along with it. Mostly those marriages that go ahead like this are if he is sitting in UK and she is overseas.
This type of man, you can do without!
My dear girl i feel so sorry
My dear girl i feel so sorry for you and feel your anguish with all my heart. Please do not ever contemplate hurting yourself again my dear. You have your life ahead and with some assistance ...you can look forwards to a beautiful future. I would advice you to contact one of the various womens institutions as regards to advice and support , who may well be able to assist you in addressing your immediate future, and hopefully in confidence. These can be found in your local phone book and can at least assist you on starting your path to a brigher future. but please never think you will ever help yourself by self harm again. Please be positive, as that alone will give you the drive you need to claim your future. I do hope it is bright my dear. I am a non-muslim, white christian.I see all of us as being equal in the designing of a beautiful world and believe our future lies in unity of love and tolerance as the modern world has many chalenges we must overcome regardless of creed or culture. please take care.........William
I'm 26 was married at 18,
I'm 26 was married at 18, converted to islam, had a baby at 19 and was divorced by 21 due to my husbands violence in front of my daughter. So basically that means that I will spend the rest of my life without a husband. Worse than that I will never have a another child which is quite horrible to know at this age. Since I have spent the last 5 years completely devoted to my daughter, working to provide for her and making sure I spend as much time as I can with her with no interest in another relationship. Its only recently I've started thinking about my own future and realised that I will be alone when she grows up.
Its funny my ex husband who never works; only takes his daughter when he can be bothered; has never paid one penny to her life and is violent has already had two other marriages (which have ended) since he and I split. I work; I bring up my daughter single handedly; I have never had a relationship or anything since my husband; I have stuck to the choice I made to become a muslim and life my life accordingly and do my best to bring up my daughter the same way. So with this in mind could somebody please tell me why I'm being told I'm the one who is "damaged goods". I know that there are no decent respectable men who will marry or enter into a relationship with a woman who has already been married and has a child. So where do I go looking? Here? Abroad? Or will I just start trawling Glasgows gutters just now?
Above post. Sorry to hear of
Above post. Sorry to hear of your experience. There are plenty of women who have never married and never had children and are much older than you. Please do not think you are alone. At least you have a child mashallah. You had and lost, no fault of your own. Be happy and grateful from this you have a loving relationship with your daughter and Allah has given you a blessing from the outcome of it.
On the other hand, you are not damaged goods. Anyone who thinks this is not worth knowing. As you are a revert, even with a child but divorced, your chances of remarrying are greater than that of other women to be honest with you.
You are only 26, and so still have the future ahead of you. Most men are looking for reverts and are not bothered if she has a child especially if they themselves have children, but this rule changes greatly if the divorced woman is not a revert and is of Asian origin.
Remember, there are always worse off people than ourselves. The men think they can get any women they want, have no problem marrying again but the reality is very different.
I would not consider abroad, however keep in mind if you did, where will he live, who will provide for him, how will he treat your daughter and yourself, clash of cultures etc.
Everyone deserves happiness and everyone deserves to be loved. Unfortunately, life doesn't run as plain sailing as we would like. All I can say is hopefully Inshallah you find your place and Allah has his plans for us.
Note from a brother.... my
Note from a brother....
my sisters in islam continue to sideline the good/decent practising muslim men and that is/was the problem for the majority of you. Maybe the main lesson concerning this should be passed on to my younger sisters that youth is short use it wisely. Although i do feel for the sisters who have posted their stories, all i can do is pray for you and you should also supplicate.
I used to wonder where the 'good' muslim women were, and why my muslim 'sisters' chased after all kinds of bad men. All i could do was pray and do dua, while the other guys enjoyed the temporary pleasures and sinned and so did the 'sisters'.
But i also know there are good women out there, obviously too good for me :P :-) there was a girl from here i wanted to marry but i realised my family would not like the bad reputation of her family, or her drug dealer cousins. instead i decided to go with a suggestion from my parents. i guess that weakness was mine. but i will see if i can introduce my brothers who are more devout than me to her, because i only wish the best for her.
It's not something easy to go through, and although im only 20yrs old , i'm now happily engaged to a beautiful and educated girl from pakistan.
alhamdulillah
look at yourself before you point fingers and may Allah guide us all to the right path.
Firstly, the main reason why
Firstly, the main reason why most females are not married are the majority of men married women from abroad! At this particular age group, there is lack of men available to marry. You will find statistically that most men are into drugs, alcohol and crime. If you want to know the stats on crime, go and look up the high court or the sheriff court in Glasgow.
Secondly, if the girl was nice,the one you were interested in, but her cousins are the drug dealer, (most like to be male), why should this affect her status to marry depending on what her cousins do. This mentality is what prevet females also getting married and yet on the same hand you are blaming them!
So, what have you resorted to, the old school of going back home. No doubt 3rd generation and that is why things do not move on. Also, the mentality is she is more religious back home than here. If this is the thinking, think long and hard about the environment your new spouse will be living in and the future kids growing up. Is it not best then to get married and stay in a country you think is more religious? NO, noone does this yet blame the female why she is not married. You are only 20, most females are now double the age of you and know from experience the reality of double standards that exist in society.
Please state where these religious men are as most females are still waiting. Please direct them and I mean please provide details so this can be followed upon and not just mythical hearsay!
If you feel that women have
If you feel that women have sidelined decent religious men, why then have you not gone ahead and married the person you wanted? She was religious enough for you, but you chose to go along with your parents decision. That may be the case with other men out there too. Therefore, what advice are you sending females of your own age as you say you are wanting the lessons passed on to the younger sisters?
You wondered where the good Muslim women were, but then declare you are wanting to pass the one you wanted to other potential suitors as your parents didn't think she was good enough. If most parents have this attitude, due to other family members involved in certain issues such as drugs, then no wonder we are in the state we are in. There was nothing wrong with the girl!
It is parents like this which cause the problem for girls in the UK. On your own admission, yet say due to her family's bad reputation and her cousins. For every girl who has this thinking and her family, there will be hardly many guys worth thinking to marry!
You see, the girl had nothing wrong with her, yet you decided not to go ahead and marry as in your parents eye, she wasn't good enough!
Someone who leaves with A levels is not educated, to what countries standard do you refer to. Someone who has left high school in the UK is not classed as educated. I am presuming as you are 20, the female is under 20 and most girls in Pakistan of this age have just finished A levels and have not obtained a degree at this age.
I think it is attitudues like this that women have to face on a regular basis. The one I feel sorry for is the girl you liked and then thought she wasn't up to your parents standards due to her other family members bad reputation.
If you have this thinking, remember many guys also will have this thinking and his parents. Yet these parents will look for their drug dealer sons and knock on our sisters door regardless to what country they live in and think he has a right to marry!
It seems the vicious circle has creeped in to your generation also! May Allah grant us saber and grant us knowledge Inshallah. We are still living in ignorance!
Majority of people here are
Majority of people here are looking for a marriage partner.
I think it be helpful if everyone signed upto the marriage website that admin has notified us about.
Males as well as females will have signed up and we can then seek a suitable partner.
If we spread the word about the website and encourage others to sign up then the choice of partners increases.
I understand that most of the males currently on the website are from abroad but it may suit some females.
Others can always say 'thanks but no thanks'.
We need to be a bit more proactive.
Does anyone know any match
Does anyone know any match makers for marriage in glasgow?
Try the website as admin say.
Try the website as admin say. Like most websites, be warned of high number of females registered and the men being student or workers from overseas. That is why to this date, no website, event has really been successful in Scotland.
The marriage courses helps you equip with looking. You do the course then find you can't find men in your age category!
Naseem is a match makers as such and charges I believe £100.
Goodluck!
I'd be willing....but just
I'd be willing....but just need to know what it is I'll be doing with da!!!!:)
Stumbled upon this website by
Stumbled upon this website by accident but really enjoyed reading the comments, as a lot apply to me.
Am a divorced female mid-thirties and like the idea of setting up a meeting for all brothers/sisters looking for marriage in Rotherham. Does anyone know of a site similar to this that addresses this issue for other cities as I haven't come across one...
What did your da do when he
What did your da do when he got married?
I would be willing to marry
I would be willing to marry someone from Scotland, as have always loved diff accents.
Am a 36yr old female, no kids but feel like am old enough to now consider having them so if anyone knows a brother out there feeling the same way post here!!!
Lol not even girls in
Lol not even girls in Scotland can find a guy to marry in Scotland!
http://www.islam21c.com/islam
http://www.islam21c.com/islamic-thought/3798-single-ever-after
Desi people should really
Desi people should really look at the true meaning of marriage and stop putting all us British girls in to one box, my parents raised me mashahallah with a good balance of both cultures. Men in the UK seriously need to get their priorities right. Actually so do the women I constantly here everyone battering on about how they can't fine the perfect match...
If everyone stopped having such high expectations and stopped thinking they are gona tick every box based on a mental check list we might all have a chance in actually getting to know a persons personality. Yes attraction is important but how much of the attraction is based on wealth? Why do men seek women who are highly educated with good jobs yet want them to stay at home? Why do women think that if a guy is in a high professional job that she's set 4 life?
If we all actually believed in Our beautiful religion and Allah almighty, you would realise that for men, that beautiful educated women you seek may not seem so beautiful is she doesn't know how to stop running her mouth and is ill mannered? And for women that ritch guy u seek? How attractive would he be if he had a turn of misfortune and became that regular guy u blew off for material things? My point being.. We all need to scratch the surface and seek a life companion not based on what they can do for u but base on living a long a peaceful life together... Yes I know it's very hard finding 'the one' and inshahallah you all will... But Dnt Jst base your choice on material things.... Thanks and Allah hafiz xxx
Did anyone attend the
Did anyone attend the marriage event that took place in the Hilton earleir this year?
What was it like? Any feedback?
Is there another marriage event coming up that anyone knows of?
I would like to find a
I would like to find a British born and educated male that is living abroad in a Muslim country such as Dubai etc. Anyone have any ideas as to how I could go about this?
You need to go round asking
You need to go round asking these aunty jees who will get you in touch with their parents who's son is living abroad in Dubai, Oman etc or register with sites.
One thing I have noticed is there are now becoming a trend of people looking for spouse number 3+ as failed marriages behind them. Ok, so this is what Allah has willed, why do they insist on marrying someone who has never married before in most cases?
Alot of the problem especially in Glasgow / Scotland are the people are too narrow minded and very cultural to a city such as London. Mixed marriages happen there but it is still a taboo if someone marries a muslim outwith their own group and is talk of the town especially if the girl married an outsider!
Most look at materialistic values such as the other persons job etc and if it is a guy, he on top of it goes for looks, even though most of these guys are not even in the looks department themselves! Something else I have noticed is he will tend to go for someone without glasses, a certain type of figure shall we say, and someone and I am not making this up, hair free body!
Lots of these match makers own children married of their own choices. They can only pass you details of the person, but they do not know the ins and outs of the characters. Some have previously been married and have hidden this details to the match makers as you have to dig about then find out if someone reluctantly tells you if they know of them. But there is a big percentage of many of the folk being married before and not disclosing it, including their parents! Something to hide I think.
I don't know of any events, but they have not taken off very well as many females come along with pathetic number of guys registered.
I to an extent blame some of these parents as they are so restrictive on their daughters on who they should marry, yet when it comes to their sons, its an open ticket to marry who you please. If in doubt, look for yourselves in the community and look at the age group of those individuals.
The question is, has anyone married from those events since the gender ratio is highly imbalanced. These men have less of an excuse why they are single as many females to select from, yet none of them are good enough that they go off abroad for a few weeks and find the "one". When this results in a breakdown, then they look for a girl here who has suddenly become good enough to marry, a never married one at that too!
I attended the marriage
I attended the marriage event, it wasn't very good, too many girls not enough guys.
"...and someone and I am not
"...and someone and I am not making this up, hair free body!"
If a guy wants a woman to have a hair free body then he will need to have a full head of hair and guarantee he will not go bald!
Can I ask as the reasons why
Can I ask as the reasons why you want to marry some1 in the middle east
Hi there is one called naseem
Hi there is one called naseem personal marriage services she is based in glasgow
her contact no. 07921 994580
the website http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/naseem-mohammed/32/b7/b7
Inshahallah you will find the one for you
Moving to a Muslim
Moving to a Muslim country...halal food...learn Arabic...Muslim schooling...learn about Islam...great weather...no tax...good for kids to learn about Islam/arabic...new culture...safer?
hhmmm...doesn't sound too bad
Arab uprising, protests,
Arab uprising, protests, despot leaders, democrasy???, belly dancing, clubs, bars, casinos, gambling, race horsing, paying for health care, paying for schooling,
corrupt law enforcements, bribes, tropical diseases, gun control, drugs, grass always seems greener!
Stay in the Land of Hope and
Stay in the Land of Hope and Glory.
You'll have a better chance of finding a hubby here.
You here alot of people
You here alot of people saying they will move to a Muslim country, they go, then come back. Even the ones born over there do not go back so maybe ask yourself why so.
there must be something that
there must be something that appeals to all the people that go over?
the number of ex-pats is high.
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